On Monday, a campuswide email was sent out informing UC Berkeley students that school will be canceled for the rest of the semester because of harsh weather conditions. Schools on the East Coast have “snow days,” but here in the Bay Area, we have “rain weeks.”
The Bay Area is not built for the rain. A full day of rain causes major drain blockages, leading to the streets of Berkeley being flooded, and more importantly, the socks of many become drenched.
“The rain is insane, dude! Have you seen my socks? They’re totally soaking wet and I’ve only been outside for a total of 10 minutes! I’m so glad they’re canceling school. These are definitely hazardous conditions,” said a very distressed born-and-bred Californian wearing socks and sandals.
“I totally understand closing school for weather-related conditions. I love snow days, so why not have a rain day?” said a campus sophomore from the cold Midwest. “I’m just worried about my grades. When will I be taking finals? Are my essays still due next week?”
Campus weather spokesperson Cloudy Day informed the Daily Clog that fall finals would be pushed back to the first week of instruction after students return from winter break.
“There’s no alternative. We can’t give everyone an A on finals they didn’t take! With the month-long winter break, students will have enough time to both study and spend time with family,” Day said.
“This is the worst,” said a very concerned Golden Bear. “Not only are we paying the full price of tuition to go to less school, but now I have to study over the break! I had planned a trip to Europe, but now it looks like I’ll be studying in my hotel room instead of sightseeing.”
As of now, this is all the information we have on the situation. Stay warm and protect your socks, Bears!
This is a satirical article written purely for entertainment purposes.