Game of Thorns: Week 6 of ‘The Bachelor’ is slowly devolving into a saucy Disney Channel show

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This week on “The Bachelor,” tensions are high. With hometowns coming up next week, the remaining six girls are waiting to see who will be the final four and get to bring Peter home to meet their parents. Peter and his slowly dwindling — or as Kelley would say, “windling” — posse of potential co-pilots head to Peru to continue to remind the audience that Peter can speak Spanish. 

Peter and Madison have the first one-on-one, with the duo going fishing. At dinner, Madison drops the f-bomb — she tells Peter that her faith is very important and that faith must be really important to her future husband too. 

Bible Belt, meet Southern California — you can almost see the cogs whirring in Peter’s brain as he tries to think of an acceptable answer to the fact that the closest thing to a religious experience in Los Angeles is finding free parking. He eventually gives her an answer similar to the one you might give when your dentist asks if you’ve been flossing — faith is definitely important, he just doesn’t practice it as much as he should. Madi is happy and Peter gives her a rose, securing her spot in hometowns.

Natasha, who has literally been here all season to give sassy interviews and get zero screen time with Peter, finally gets a one-on-one — about halfway through the season. Yeah, the odds are not in her favor. Even though she and Peter share a “Lady and the Tramp”-style kiss with fried food, the romance is just not there. Over dinner, Peter shares with Natasha that his relationship with her has not progressed as much as his relationships with the other girls and, because of that, he cannot give her a rose. Cut to dramatic footage of Natasha’s luggage being rolled away at the hotel.

Kelsey has the third one-on-one of the week — she and Peter trek off the beaten path in Peru, which means they ride in all-terrain vehicles on dirt roads specifically made for hiking. After some cuddling on a sharply angled Peruvian hill, Kelsey and Peter head to dinner, where she has a Vulnerable Moment™ and talks about her strained relationship with her estranged dad. At this point, Peter can’t not give her the rose, and just like that, only two hometown spots remain.

In “I’ll Take Worst Date Ideas for 600” news, Kelley, Hannah Ann and Victoria F. go on a “group date,” and vie for the two roses left. Throughout the date, Hannah Ann gives off some semblance of emotional connection, Victoria F. breaks down over her emotional spiraling and Kelley cannot stop rolling her eyes and talking about how she, an attorney, is on a date with two children. It feels like a really boring episode of “Pretty Little Liars,” maybe because the girls look like off-brand versions of Troian Bellisario, Lucy Hale and Shay Mitchell.

Even though Peter literally tells Victoria F. that he feels like she is attacking him, he gives her the next rose because, like Marie Kondo, Peter loves messes. Especially if the mess looks like Victoria F. Now down to Hannah Ann, a 23-year-old model, and Kelley, a 27-year-old attorney, who does Peter, the straight dude, pick? Obviously the 23-year-old model. Kelley is sent home, and instead of shedding tears, she goes off one last time about how everyone back at the house is a child. She’s not wrong, but what can we say? Children disguised as 20-something hot girls make the best television. 

https://twitter.com/voldyismoldy/status/1227339763906117633?s=20 

So farewell, last rational human being on the show. On to tears, increased sexual tension over the looming fantasy suite dates and overprotective fathers questioning if Peter is good enough for their daughters. See you next week at hometowns!

Julie Lim covers television. Contact her at [email protected].