Game of Thorns: Week 7 of ‘The Bachelor’ proves we are not all family

YouTube/Courtesy

Related Posts

It should be impossible for a season of “The Bachelor” to be so full of drama and also so boring. Yet here we are in Peter’s season, oxymoronically bored of the drama. This season has been long, but at least hometowns means fantasy suite dates are up next!

Peter starts off in Hannah Ann’s hometown of Knoxville, Tennessee. But first, Hannah Ann knows her dad won’t be easily impressed and will want to “make a man” out of Peter before he meets her family. So they go to an ax-throwing place, because we live in a society that has somehow gentrified lumberjacks. Their ax-throwing record is pretty abysmal, but finally Peter sticks one in the bull’s-eye, solidifying his masculinity.

But maybe Peter should have thrown some more axes because Hannah Ann’s dad is not too charmed by him. While Hannah Ann and her sister cry over her love for this pilot she met less than two months ago who is dating three other women, Peter’s dad is not amused by this pilot she met less than two months ago who is dating three other women. Maybe it’s because he’s someone she met less than two months ago who is dating three other women? Her dad warns him not to drop the “L-bomb” on Hannah Ann until he is sure (re: not falling in love with three other women), so what does Peter do at the end of the date? Tell Hannah Ann he’s falling in love with her.

Peter flies on over to Des Moines, Iowa to meet Kelsey and her equally platinum blond family. Kelsey is smart enough to get some alcohol in them before they head to her house — she and Peter do a lite version of winemaking by smashing grapes with their feet. Once properly imbibed, the pair has dinner with Kelsey’s family, with Kelsey groundbreakingly introducing Peter to crab rangoons.

Kelsey is on the verge of tears with every conversation she has with her family members. Meanwhile, Peter gets a much nicer version of the “don’t break my daughter’s heart” talk from Kelsey’s mom.

On to Auburn, Alabama for Madison’s hometown! Seeing as Madison peaked in high school from her basketball career — which, to be fair, was only five years ago — Peter and Madison have a basketball-themed date at the Auburn University stadium. Peter is about as good at basketball as he is juggling at 25 women, which is to say, not that good.

At dinner, Peter meets the Prewetts, who are just as impressed with him as the other parents have been, only also with a faith-based twist. Peter gets his umpteenth parental warning from Madi’s dad, who warns him that Madi’s faith is very important to her. Cut to Madi telling the cameras that she is saving herself for marriage. (The fact that the producers did not make Madi’s entire identity “the virgin” this whole season is almost impressive. Who says “The Bachelor” isn’t progressive?) Madi doesn’t tell Peter this tidbit as the date ends, however, and Peter leaves probably already thinking about the fantasy suite next week.

Hometowns are relatively drama-free, since no one’s family is going to stir the pot the way sticking 25 girls in a house without cellphones would. But just when you’re about to snooze at the umpteenth mention of faith in the Prewett family household, Victoria F. is here to (gas)light the way to drama. 

The couple’s hometown date in Virginia Beach, Virginia starts off normal, if you count taking questionable old timey photos (is it the best idea to dress up in antebellum clothing in Virginia?) and dancing to a Hunter Hayes concert “normal.” The tea starts spilling when Peter is getting ready to meet Victoria F. at her house and his ex, who just also happens to be from Virginia Beach, gives Peter ominous warnings about Victoria. She tells him that Victoria has allegedly been known to break up relationships. 

With this bomb dropped, a significantly sadder Peter decides that the best thing is to confront Victoria about these allegations on her front porch, literally seconds before they meet her family. In response, Victoria excellently dodges addressing the actual allegations and instead deflects and gets snappy with Peter. It’s gaslighting 101 and the happy hometown ends with Victoria crying on the street while Peter sadly gets driven away.

But Victoria is attractive and later she visits Peter’s hotel room with lots of whimpering. Somehow, because Peter has the “moral backbone of a chocolate eclair,” he ends up apologizing to Victoria. 

So it’s almost no surprise that Kelsey is sent home and the roses go to Madi, Hannah Ann and Victoria F., who again makes no attempt to refute the allegations made against her. She’s a hot girl and he’s an eclair, so what more can we say?

Julie Lim covers television. Contact her at [email protected].