A powerful ally, on and off campus: Things UC Berkeley students would do if they had the Force

Addison Briggs/Staff

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Imagine a world where everyone has the Force — well, everyone at UC Berkeley, that is. Think of all the things we could do with that kind of power! The possibilities could be as grand as taking over the entire school, or as simple as making your day a little easier. Here are some things that we think the Force would be fantastic for this May 4. 

Protection from squirrels

Have you ever sat on the Glade or near Dwinelle Hall on your lunch break with your salad from GBC? Maybe it’s the grogginess from morning spilling into your afternoon, but you never seem to notice the furry friends that hop next to you. They always seem to have a knack for taking your unprotected food when you’re not paying attention, but with the Force, you don’t have to worry. You can just extend your hand and move them away from you and onto a nearby tree, all without having to touch the furry creatures!     

Fix your electricity for cheap

The solution to the power outage problem is literally at your fingertips. With a little thing called “Electric Judgment,” power outages will be the least of your worries on campus. Who knows? Maybe you can find a way to use this power to fix the terrible Wi-Fi in your apartment!

Heal the wounds you acquire after tripping over a Kiwibot

When you are walking home from Moffitt Library, there may be a lot racing through your mind, so the ground is the last thing you’re paying attention to. In that case, you may not see the rapidly moving Kiwibot that doesn’t have enough time to change its course. You fly for a few seconds before hitting the unforgiving pavement with a thud. Luckily, someone from your economics class sees and runs to check if you’re OK. She uses her Force healing to fix up your scraped knee and elbows. All is well. 

Convince your indecisive roommate to decide where to eat for dinner

Eating out every Friday is a highlight for you and your roommates, but whenever it’s the turn of a particular one of your roomies to decide, it’s literally impossible to narrow down the choices. By saying, “Those are not the restaurants you’re looking for,” with the help of the Force’s mind trick and waving your hand in front of their face, deciding where to eat is no longer an issue. It seems a little mean at first, but you see the look of relief on your roommate’s face when they finally agree to go to La Val’s Pizza. 

Zero-hassle move in

Thanks to the Force, move-in day is no longer a burden. If anything, it’s fun to move stuff around in your apartment. Sure, it annoys your roommate sometimes, but a change of scenery is nice. The new couch you ordered doesn’t require you to strain your muscles dragging it up the stairs! On top of that, with enough practice, you can write out your notes in class without having to physically move your pen once. 

“Walk” to class

Running late for your next class but feeling a bit tired? Maybe you slept through five of your alarms for your 9 a.m. classes. No need to worry: levitation’s got your back. Just concentrate on the surrounding energy and focus on your lightness. Don’t forget that there may be others with the same idea, so make sure you don’t accidentally bump into someone else midflight on their way to lecture, or else you will need to use Force healing. 

These are, of course, just a few ways in which you can use the Force on campus. For example, with Force levitation, Quidditch can finally live up to the books! We can only improve on all the things that make UC Berkeley so great, and the possibilities for this power would be endless!

Contact Malvika Singhal at [email protected] .