Why we shouldn’t look at love so conventionally

Illustration of two people holding eachother
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You’ve heard that love comes in all different forms, so why do we continue to look at love so conventionally? Movies, books and podcasts give us the notion that love is linear when, in reality, love is a bumpy ride. Love can be exhausting, exhilarating, challenging, surprising and truthfully all over the place. Love has too many facets to be searched for or defined in one way.

There is no “type”

Don’t subscribe to the idea of “having a type.” You might accidentally pass up someone you are super compatible with simply because you felt like they didn’t fit your mold. Look for a partner based on personality and how they make you feel. Romance and attraction often build from there.

Wait until you feel ready

Many movies and books have taught us to grab love when it comes your way and to not let love pass you by. But sometimes you just aren’t ready. A few months ago (pre-pandemic), I went on a perfect date with someone I thought was the perfect guy, but it wasn’t the ideal timing. I was super stressed trying to juggle classes, clubs and two part-time jobs. Basically, if you aren’t at a point in your life where you feel ready to commit to something … you shouldn’t. 

Don’t put your life on hold for someone

Many people feel the need to go wherever their partner goes because that’s what they do in the movies. When someone has to move for work, the other accommodates by moving with them. Of course, you can do this if it’s what you really want. But don’t feel like you have to do that to prove your love. Don’t be afraid to put what you want first! And no, this isn’t selfish, this is you working hard to achieve something that you don’t want to throw away so easily. Yes, long-distance relationships are challenging, but tackle those problems along the way. After all, it’s been done before!

Give space and balance all relationships

A lot of times in relationships, you want to spend every second with each other. This is great but to maintain a healthy relationship, make sure to give each other space. Make sure you are still able to hang out with friends and family and strengthen bonds with others. You don’t want you or your partner to become too dependent on each other. This way, during difficult times within your relationship, you can healthily give one another space and have other close people to turn to.

Every relationship is different

It’s easy to compare your relationship to others. What you should do instead is focus on how your relationship makes you feel. The same rule applies when comparing your relationship to movies or romance novels. Communication is key to a healthy and happy relationship. Spicing up the romance in your relationship should be something discussed between you and your partner. Without open communication, one person can often become frustrated because their desires are not being met. You don’t have to follow the classic story of “love” you see in the movies … make your own story instead!

Stop looking at love so conventionally. In order to find real, lasting love, there is no set formula; there is instead only you and your partner and the motivation the both of you share to make your relationship work out.

Contact Natalia Brusco at [email protected].