There are still some open seats in these (imaginary) fall 2020 DeCals

Jessica Joojphibulpol/File

Related Posts

As Phase 2 of enrollment at UC Berkeley is underway, many of us are struggling to find one-unit courses to round out our schedules. As someone who has searched through numerous one-unit classes, I couldn’t help but think of some DeCal courses I wish existed. So, here are five fake DeCals, as well as their course descriptions!

“Netflix and Grill”

Do you have a grill but have no idea how to use it? Do you ever watch Netflix and find yourself wishing you had some juicy ribs to gnaw on? In this DeCal, you’ll learn from a couple of frat bros all the best ways to grill your meat. While learning how to properly season and sear, we’ll also be catching up on “Love Is Blind.” Yeah, that’s right, our hearts will be as soft as the center of your medium-rare steaks after you take this class.

“How to train your dragon (or dog) to Zoom bomb”

As you have most likely seen, pets have a way of finding themselves directly in front of your camera right when you decide to speak up in your discussion section. But what if there was a way to train your pet to Zoom bomb your class when it matters most? This course will cover the basics of teaching your pet how to video bomb. Pets will learn to react to certain words and phrases, such as “midterm,” “I’d like to open this question to the class” and “to piggyback off of that.”

“OK Zoomers: Teaching your grandparents how to use Zoom”

We all know the frustration of trying to help older people understand technology. In this class, we will go over basic pedagogical techniques developed specifically for teaching people who are older than the age of 65. Emphasis is placed on developing a sense of patience and learning how to repeat yourself 37 times without getting annoyed. Lessons will include “How to teach Grandma to unmute herself” and “How to tell Grandpa to back away from the camera.”

“Sweatpants: An in-depth exploration of stretchy pants”

How did this unassuming article of clothing go from loungewear to everyday staple? This course will cover the history of sweatpants, focusing on how they are manufactured, distributed and sold. We will address the current attempt to redefine “work attire” and discuss the newfound popularity of cozy quarantine clothing. This course is designed to be taken from the comfort of your own bed. Wearing sweatpants will be optional but highly encouraged.

“Pancakes and Pandemic”

Never again will you have to choose between cooking breakfast and staying up to date on current events. In this DeCal, you will learn how to become a pancake master while discussing the latest developments in the pandemic. This class begins at quarantine breakfast hour, otherwise known as 2 p.m. As we prepare our batter, flip our pancakes and enjoy a socially distanced brunch via Zoom, we will compare Facebook news articles sent to us by our paranoid aunts until we feel better or, more likely, much, much worse.

As much as we wish some of these classes were really being offered, there are still so many fun classes to take at UC Berkeley. Plus, who knows, maybe one of these will be added as a real DeCal in the future!

Contact Fleurette Modica at [email protected].