Success is in the stars: Back-to-school horoscopes

Illustration of different zodiac signs on a black background
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We’re back for another first week of classes, but this semester is a little different — hello, “Zoom University.” If you’re feeling down, this set of horoscopes is exactly what you need to get yourself in the right headspace for online classes. But make sure you don’t get too sucked into this incredible and captivating article while you’re in class, and don’t blame the Clog for any content you miss while you’re reading about what the stars have in store for you.


Happy birthday, Virgo! You might feel like you’re going a little crazy with the inability of people to properly mute themselves when joining a 200-person lecture. Though the beginning of school can be stressful, remind yourself that you are in control. And at least now that classes are online, you can make snarky comments during class without your professor checking in to see if you’re asking a question.


We just started the fall semester, and you’re already getting sucked into roommate disagreements and arguments during class? You need to pull yourself out of there and remind yourself that one of your strengths is your ability to gracefully communicate what you really think. Though it’s hard, see if you can find a new study buddy in one of your classes. A fresh face may be just what you need.


Scorpio, try to lighten up in your classes. Many of us are feeling frustrated about the virtual format, but instead of using that stubborn frustration to justify watching Netflix during class or making dinner while “listening” in discussion, try to compromise a little. Turn on your camera, dress up a little, use your magnetic personality to get involved in class and impress your professor. Give this online format all you’ve got.


This semester is your time to shine. Even though you have to take classes online, that doesn’t mean you need to dim your personality. Ask questions in class, and be bold in volunteering answers. Don’t dial it back in class, but try not to berate the GSI either — your energy can be intimidating. This semester, you’ll feel like your best self and maybe even end up as someone’s Zoom crush …


Capricorn, don’t give in to your workaholic tendencies this semester. The stars do not want to see you hunched over your laptop for hours after your classes have ended. It’s awesome to dive into a new project or class and be all-in, but use your extra time and location flexibility this semester to your advantage. Try digging deeper than academia and getting lost in an adventure. It doesn’t have to be practical to be fulfilling. 


You’re usually so independent, Aquarius, but lately, you’ve found yourself curled up on the couch with your dog instead of preparing for your classes without anyone nagging you. It is time to move out of your comfort zone and into a new space. OK, well maybe you don’t make enough money to actually move out of your parents’ house, but at least maybe you can do a fun room makeover. Try something new, whether it’s new music, a fresh study space or even just a new recipe to spice things up.


Stop being wistful about what the semester could have been, and make it something actually great. While you’re imagining chilling on the Glade, pour that passion into writing a cool poem about Berkeley or finding a new grassy spot to hang out on. And while you’re at it, maybe it’s time for you to go on a little road trip and have a little adventure. If you end up in the middle of nowhere, that’s great, OK? Go out and live your life; don’t just think about it.


Something exciting is coming in your life, Aries. And no, it’s not just takeout from that new restaurant that opened up. Lean into new experiences, even if they don’t actually seem that exciting. Yes, that means responding to the person who messaged you in class about a study group. Maybe this could be a new friend, or someone to rant to during lecture. These are both very important roles in your life.


Dependable Taurus, your friends need you now more than ever. Though you’ve been enjoying having the pressure off by hanging out at home, reach out to the friends you haven’t talked to in a little while. They might really enjoy having a Netflix party, or just a FaceTime call to catch up. You might have forgotten how much you need your friends too (their corny jokes may just soothe your worries).


Gemini, take some time for yourself. Lean into impulsivity and plan a fun solo trip. You don’t have to focus on what other people are doing or what other people think. Eat mac and cheese for dinner every night if you want. Who’s there to judge you (except the stars)? And don’t post about it on Instagram. Take some time to live life just for the sake of living it.


Stop being so hesitant and get yourself out there. Message someone in your Zoom class or join that club you’ve been thinking about. Just because school is virtual doesn’t mean you can’t try new things. Maybe you need to try a creative new recipe. Don’t just wait for your friend to reach out; plan a socially distanced date and ask them yourself. Maybe you can cook them your fancy new meal (or just go on a late-night McDonald’s run, whatever works).


OK Leo, so you’ve been feeling a little down because your birthday just passed and now you have to wait a whole year to be back in the spotlight? Leo, your personality is bold enough even without others feeling obligated to pay attention to you. Bake yourself your own one-month-post-birthday cake! Eat half of it by yourself! You’ve got this.

Now that you have all the advice you need to have a successful semester, go off and do all the things. We at the Clog wish you a great semester and a great year, even if you can’t be on campus. Good luck!

Contact Elysa Dombro at [email protected].