I know that New Year’s resolutions are controversial — it seems you either love them or you hate them. Personally, I like to call myself a flaky optimist when it comes to resolutions. I tend to have good intentions but poor performance and follow-through. Despite a strong start, I typically lose steam about mid-January. However, this year, I decided that my resolution will not be a tangible objective, such as saving a certain amount of money or losing a certain amount of weight. Instead, it will be something more abstract. My New Year’s resolution for 2021 is to become more decisive.
Those who know me personally know that I have two fatal flaws: one, I am a huge overthinker. Two, I cannot make a decision to save my own life. I admit that occasionally, my hesitation prevents me from doing something I will regret in the future. However, a majority of the time my worries simply act as a shackle. The truth is, I have always wanted to be a carefree person — so much so that the majority of my acquaintances read me as one — but in reality, I second-guess almost any “carefree” thing I do.
I faced this issue head-on this past summer when I was deciding whether or not to go on a two-week road trip with my best friend. Initially, I said yes, but the night before, I was plagued by unrelenting fear and cascading anxious thoughts. Should I really do this? This is a feeling I was familiar with, and for so long I had simply succumbed to this worry, often derailing plans simply so that I could stay on the safest route. However, this time was different: I said yes. What followed was the best two weeks of my life, only made possible by my decision let go of my own worry and indecisiveness in order to do something that originally had scared me. It was this event that introduced me to the power of being decisive and allowing myself to say yes.
Personally, whenever I am faced with a decision, I have a gut instinct, a yes or a no, that I want to cling to, but this certainty is soon overshadowed by my own thoughts of what if? So, this year, I want to change that. I want to be decisive. I want to say yes to the things I want to do and say no to the what-ifs.
It is this heedless optimism that I am clinging to as January bleeds into February, and I hope that, for the first time, I will continue to hold onto it until 2022.
Contact Isabella Carreno at [email protected].