Throughout your college career, it’s almost certain that you will have to obtain a letter of recommendation at least once. Here at the Clog, we’re all about helping you make it through these turbulent years. That’s why we’ve compiled a list of surefire ways to secure the adoration of at least one professor.

Leave a note with your initials on it in their office every week

Making sure that you get that continuous, repeated interaction with your professor every week will leave a lasting impression. When the time comes to ask for a letter, they’ll immediately recognize you as “that person who keeps putting notes on my desk.” This’ll give you a huge edge over other students, who probably don’t leave anything at all on their professors’ desks. In the Zoom era, this can look like sending them a private message of your name right before logging off of a lecture — it’s all about the recognition.

Submit videos of you doing high-level gymnastics instead of homework

The key to this technique is taking the time to learn high-level gymnastics. This will only take a few decades, and the gymnastics will add a personal touch that’ll contrast nicely with the cold, technological vibe of the video you’re submitting. Your professor will be touched by the fact that you are doing gymnastics instead of putting effort into the subject that they teach. If you want extra points, spice up your videos by deepfaking your professor’s face onto your own. Then, they’ll have the satisfaction of knowing what they would look like if they were doing high-level gymnastics instead of grading your homework.

Stop attending Zoom calls to make them think you are studying hard for their class

If you start ditching all of their lectures, it’ll tell your professor that you are studying so hard for their subject that you aren’t even able to leave your room. This will definitely leave a positive impression. Really drive this home by actively avoiding emailing your professor and not submitting any of your homework. An added benefit of this is that if your professor never learns your name, they’ll be pleasantly surprised to see it when you ask them for a letter of recommendation.

Paint a full-size portrait of them in oil

This is a time-honored tradition, used all the way back in the 1500s as British royal propaganda. It’s also the perfect way to garner favor with your professor. By displaying it in a centralized location, you can help increase their political power and their legitimacy in the eyes of the proletariat.

This year, don’t let that letter of recommendation slip away. Make sure to be proactive in reaching out and making an impression on your professors. We at the Clog hope this list helps you do just that. You’re welcome.

This is a satirical article written purely for entertainment purposes.