Clog Report: Classmate does not hide making a souffle during lecture

Image of a souffle
Antonio Martin/Staff

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Apparently prioritizing his drive to cook over his drive to learn, UC Berkeley freshman Remi Cooke reportedly did not even try to hide the fact that he was baking a chocolate souffle in his Physics 5B section early this Tuesday.

Sources confirm that Cooke joined the Zoom call from his kitchen about 5 minutes before lecture started. However, over the course of the lecture, Cooke assembled several ingredients and reportedly made an entire chocolate souffle from scratch, apparently unfazed by the fact that the entire class could still see him.

“We were all wondering why he didn’t just turn his camera off,” said campus freshman Wanda Trysom, who witnessed Cooke’s culinary feat. She added that he kept his cooking in frame the whole time, despite the fact that a small movement of the camera would have made him mostly indistinguishable from the students who were actually paying attention to lecture.

Cooke began to preheat his oven at the start of class and finished eating the souffles with almost an hour left to spare. Sources say Cooke spent the rest of the section with his camera off, in complete silence. “It was actually really impressive how efficient he was,” said Trysom. “He clearly had everything planned out beforehand.”

Trysom continued, adding that the professor probably realized what was happening but decided to simply power through it for whatever reason. “This truly exemplifies the instructional resilience that Berkeley’s professors have built in the past year of teaching online,” she added.

Almost all of the students in the class were engrossed in Cooke’s cooking process by the time he finished. “To be fair, though, he probably could’ve just flown under the radar if he hadn’t unmuted himself to whisk his egg whites and cream of tartar together,” Trysom said. Cooke reportedly kept his mic on through the entire whisking process, from start to soft peaks.

When asked for comment, Cooke replied that he was busy hand-pulling noodles in his computer science class. Sources later confirmed that he kept his camera on despite the fact that the entire class could see him cooking a plate of garlic noodles over the course of the lecture.

This is a satirical article written purely for entertainment purposes.

Contact Allen Chen at [email protected].