This year’s Oscars are right around the corner. Given the fact that movie theaters have been closed, there’s a good chance you haven’t seen anything that was nominated. Not that it matters, of course, as the best performances weren’t even nominated. So, here’s what we at the Clog think is truly Oscar-worthy:
Best Actor: you pretending to pay attention in class while your camera is on
The best performances are born from high-stake situations. So, if your professor required that you keep your cameras on, chances are you gave an Oscar-worthy performance. The fact that no one caught on is proof of your acting prowess. Especially if the lecture was recorded, you deserve to be recognized for your great performance in a film.
Best cinematography: a webcast lab class
Lab classes took a hard hit this year. Obviously, you can’t dissect animals or measure chemicals if everyone is supposed to be sheltering in place. Therefore, most lab classes were simply a film of a GSI or professor conducting the experiments. Classes that can overcome these challenges deserve the award for best cinematography. From capturing a scientist’s delicate pipetting to fiddling with a camera so that the students can see through a microscope, lab classes have shown excellent camera technique. What they’ve managed to accomplish is arguably more innovative than anything nominated in the actual Oscar’s cinematography category this year.
Best costume design: the top half of your outfit when you have to be on camera
Despite being in your own home, when you’re on camera you’re supposed to look professional. However, the camera can only see your head and torso. That means you can pair the top half of a nice suit with stained sweatpants. For all of your effort in coordinating outfits that look good on top and are comfy on the bottom, this Oscar should be going to you.
Best picture: that one recorded lecture that saved your GPA
What makes the best film of the year is up for debate. A good criterion is the one that affected the viewer the most and may have even changed their life. With this criteria, a recorded lecture that helps you ace (or just simply not fail) the class is definitely in the running. It’s like a short documentary, but this one teaches you something that helps you more than anything else you’ve watched. As such, it deserves heavy recognition.
Sadly, none of these potential nominees will win on Sunday. However, they can be the real winners in our hearts, no matter what the academy says.
Contact Zachariah Nash at [email protected] .