Spooky season is here! That’s right, get your DVDs and popcorn — it’s time to binge-watch your favorite cliche films and yell at the characters onscreen for making stupid decisions that will most definitely get them killed. But have you ever imagined what you would do if you were in their shoes? Would you be the first one to die in a really stupid way, the final survivor or the evil villain? Keep reading to find out!
The know-it-all: pre-Haas/economics/business:
You know that one “smart” person who spends the entire movie rolling their eyes, telling everyone they’re being stupid and refusing to believe in paranormal activity? You know — the one who ignores every sign and red flag, stubbornly sticking to their opinion despite the zombie that’s literally standing right in front of them? Yup, that’s definitely a pre-Haas student right there. As UC Berkeley’s official smug know-it-alls who love mansplaining stocks and carry the confidence of 100 men, they are the perfect ones for this trope.
First to die: EECS/computer science
Rumour has it that UC Berkeley’s computer science majors haven’t seen the light of day since GBO’s Welcome Week (someone please tell them to come out of their rooms). While there’s a good chance that they would miss everything holed up in their apartments finishing a coding assignment, in case they emerge from their cave to participate, there’s no question that their lack of coordination and raw unathleticism would make them be the first to die.
Mad scientist gone wrong: biology/MCB
UC Berkeley’s biology majors are definitely the Frankenstein-esque mad scientists of the group. They probably accidentally revived someone and started a zombie apocalypse or accidentally built an undefeatable robot-monster with the help of some EECS majors. Either way, according to the trope, they’re definitely going to die at some point in the movie — probably by sacrificing themselves to save the world from their own self-created monster (for the full circle moment!)
Tomb historian: anthropology/archaeology/history
Every stereotypical mummy horror movie needs the mysterious tomb historian. You know, the one nerdy archeologist with the brown glasses who knows anything and everything about the tomb and warns the main character not to do anything stupid (spoiler alert: They’re definitely going to do it anyway and get everyone killed). This seems like a perfect job for Berkeley’s resident history and archeology majors.
The crazy one that ends up being right but no one believes them: English/comparative literature
Just like how all the pretentious STEM majors at Berkeley poke fun at the humanities and English majors (despite the fact that they’re obviously the coolest ones on campus), in a horror movie too, they would be the one character who warns everyone what’s about to happen. Alas, they’re also dubbed the “crazy” one that everyone ignores and no one believes. Such is the life of a closeted English major at Berkeley.
The main character/last one left: environmental studies/College of Natural Resources majors
You know them as the outdoorsy kids that post film photos of camping trips on their Instagram stories. However, these seemingly innocent granola kids have actually been preparing for an apocalypse their whole lives: whether through stamina-training through hiking and backpacking trips or survivalist-training by studying different kinds of plants, bugs and trees. Out of all Berkeley majors, this group would definitely know (or at least they would if they paid attention in their classes) the difference between poisonous berries and a strawberry bush. Therefore, as the overall most capable of putting together their Berkeley brains and their street smarts, they would definitely make the least amount of stupid mistakes that make you scream at the screen and be the final ones standing in a horror film.
The wholesome sidekick friend with a gruesome death: psychology/gender and women’s studies/sociology
You know that one super wholesome kind character that manages to retain their sweet innocence despite the chaos of the horror movie? The crowd favorite that the entire audience was rooting for, but who unfortunately meets an untimely death anyway (just to tug at the audience’s heartstrings)? That’s a psychology major right there. We at the Clog are convinced that mean psychology majors don’t exist. They’re either the mom friends or the innocent friends, but either way, they’re definitely one of the nicest people you’ll ever meet. Unfortunately, outside of being able to psychoanalyze their opponents, their skillset won’t be able to help them much in the horror movie playing field, causing a gruesome, heart-wrenching death at the end of the movie.
Villain mastermind: political science/legal studies
A political science and legal studies combo is the biggest red flag there is — it’s basically a formula to take over the world someday. I mean, what’s the point of studying political structures and law unless you plan to rule over it? Something isn’t adding up. Political science and legal studies majors would definitely be the secret sneaky villain mastermind who works behind the scenes to run the entire operation. Not the scary-but-brainless monsters, but the main archnemesis with a master plan to use the monsters to destroy and take over the world.
Now that you’ve read this 100% accurate article that isn’t based on stereotypes at all, you know which majors to team up with and which majors to avoid next time you’re in a zombie apocalypse!