Clog Report: UC Berkeley students stage protest against ’midterms’

Photo of a student taking notes
Can Jozef Saul/Staff

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Last Friday, a group of students decided to break the silence about UC Berkeley’s midterms. Curiously enough, the students aren’t protesting the tests themselves; rather, they are rebelling against the name “midterms.” 

In an exclusive interview with Di Lemma, the founder of the Midterm Revolution who is also a passionate linguistics major, she remarked, “Grammatically speaking, the word begins with the prefix ‘mid’ followed by the word ‘term.’ It seems logical that one would assume that this is one singular test that happens in the middle of a term … right?”

“It really just doesn’t make sense,” said Gram Mar, a philosophy major who co-founded the revolution. “Why are they called ‘midterms’ if they’re not in the middle of the term? Like literally, why don’t they just call them tests,” she argued while shaking her head in disappointment and holding a “NOT MY MIDTERM” sign.

Mathematics major Ner Dee, sporting a “The x does not equal the y” poster agrees with this sentiment. “The number one public university and we can’t even count to the median? Pathetic.”

Senior ethics major Exi Stential, who’s protesting by laying on the ground in the middle of Sproul Plaza isn’t too sure about what’s going on, but is supportive of just getting rid of midterms altogether. “So true bro. I mean I don’t really go to midterms because the education system is fake anyway. We all live on a floating rock and nothing matters.”

Another student chimed, “Yo. What if they called them pre-terms, midterms, and post-terms.” This idea was met with cheers and high fives from the crowd.

Inspired by this movement, other students and professors are now rallying to join Di Lemma and Gram Mar’s valiant cause. Initially starting with just two students, this petition now has more than four signatures. 

An official statement from the UC Berkeley Midterm Planning Committee stated “the word ‘midterm’ sounds cooler and more college-like. Everyone calls them tests. We’re just quirky and different like that — we’re not like other schools.” 

This is a developing story. Check back for updates.

This is a satirical article written purely for entertainment purposes.

Contact Katherine Kudriavstev at [email protected].