BERKELEY'S NEWS • SEPTEMBER 26, 2022

So, what are we? Ways to refer to the person you’re hooking up with

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NOVEMBER 11, 2021

Following the two-minute-long consummation of our couple-weeks-long “situationship,” my partner turned to me to say, “So this probably isn’t the best time to ask this, but what are we?” 

While we were, to put it simply, having sex, I knew that wasn’t necessarily what he meant. He didn’t want an answer of the obvious, and to be honest, I didn’t either. He wanted me to label it. So if you too have found yourself in a situation where you don’t know how to refer to the person you’re hooking up with, look no further! We at the night department have compiled a list of things you can call your casual sex partner for the next time they try and play with your emotions. 

Friend with benefits 

A classic “friend with benefits” checks all of the boxes. I mean, you might not necessarily be friends with whomever you’re hooking up with, but I’m sure you refer to plenty of acquaintances whom you don’t actually consider to be friends as friends, too. With a whole movie starring Mila Kunis and Justin Timberlake titled after this phrase, you can’t go wrong with a traditional “friends with benefits.” 

F— buddy

In a similar vein to that of “friends with benefits,” a f— buddy also gets the idea across. Sure, you might not actually be buddies, but they are a buddy with whom you f—. Sort of. You get the gist. 

Sneaky link

A relatively newer term, “sneaky link,” is a little more subtle — which is fitting considering its “sneaky” aspect that generally means you’re hooking up with this person on the low. However, keeping your relationship hidden isn’t a requirement of the sneaky link, and it mostly implies an absence of exclusivity, if anything.

They-who-shall-not-be-named

If you’re anything like me, you get incredibly obsessed with the most mediocre types of people and constantly talk to your friends about them. Once you’re annoying enough, your friends will likely stop letting you even mention them. But no worries! With a fun, Harry Potter-themed reference, you can just ignore the fact that they have a name and continue talking about them anyway. 

Pro tip: Since you can change the pronouns here to fit whatever your partner prefers, this one is especially versatile! 

Boy toy 

While not necessarily gender-neutral, if the person you’re hooking up with is comfortable with the term, you can’t go wrong with a simple “boy toy.” It’s fun, it’s simple, it rhymes. What more could you want? 

Jack rabbit 

This one might only work for two reasons: Either the person you’re hooking up with is named Jack, or they f— like a jack rabbit. For your sake, I hope it’s the former. However, if it is the latter, you can call them by this funny nickname — at the very least.

In the same way my most recent “sneaky link” (my choice of phrase) exhausted my mental state, I think I’ve exhausted just about all of the phrases I can come up with for the time being. Just remember that casual sex is completely fine, normal and acceptable. As long as you’re doing what you’re comfortable with and keeping consent at the forefront, go ahead: Refer to your casual sex partner using one of these fun nicknames — or any others you come up with yourself!

Contact Stella Kotik at 

LAST UPDATED

NOVEMBER 11, 2021


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