Roundup of Thanksgiving horror stories

Photo of a Turkey
Howcheng/Creative Commons

It’s time to give thanks and eat loads of food while you’re at it! Sitting between Halloween and the holidays, Thanksgiving can be a very wholesome moment, where families gather and celebrate. However, one wrong turn can lead to complete awkwardness and utter silence. In this roundup of Thanksgiving horror stories, Halloween’s spookiness and December’s cheer collide to give you memories that you can hopefully laugh at after time removes all the cringe. 

Act I: Uh oh, doubles!

It’s potluck time and family-favorite recipes come out. But we’ve probably had family members who disagree on exactly whose mashed potatoes are the best. Act 1 of Thanksgiving horror can start when aunt No. 1 brings what she thinks is the rendition of this classic: her recipe. Despite this, standing a couple of feet away is aunt No. 2 holding her own bowl of mashed potatoes while staring daggers at aunt No 1. Here we go.

Act II: Failed jokes

To alleviate the tension from the cooking brawl between the aunts, maybe your uncle will crack a classic dad joke. Something along the lines of “What do you call a running turkey?” “Fast food.” Thing is, with dad jokes, it’s always a 50/50 chance someone will laugh or that it’ll be completely silent. To your luck, no one laughs and it’s time for family members to relish the awkward tension from the aunt fight and the failed uncle joke. 

Act III: Classic turkey fail

Oh, here comes dad with the star of the night! The turkey! Maybe this is the year your mom tries some new hack she saw on Food Network that claims to cook the turkey in half the time — with no defrosting needed. The perfectly browned and moist skin of the turkey can’t hide the fact that this cooking hack failed, because the inside is still completely frozen. Maybe next year will be better? 

Act IV: Great game gone bad

To liven up the spirits, your cousins suggest a good ol’ game of Uno, but it gets a bit too spirited. Those +4 cards can really raise the tension between players. Switching to a different game such as Monopoly doesn’t help either, especially when it’s time to collect rent. Let’s hope there aren’t any sore losers this year. 

Act V: Fight for dessert

If there’s something everyone will agree on, it’s the fact that grandma’s pie is the best. To round up these thanksgiving horror stories, a fight for the last bite may leave some devastated, especially if savoring the flaky crust and delicious filling is 50% of the reason they came in the first place. 

Hopefully, these horror stories don’t play out at your family’s Thanksgiving dinner this year. Happy Thanksgiving from the Clog!

Contact Samantha Centeno at [email protected].