Clog Report: Discussion group working around junior’s death pretty well

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Impressed with the academic focus of her associates, sophomore Rosa Wu reported with relief that the members of her Physics 110 discussion section were working around the death of a participant pretty well.

“When Thomas collapsed and began convulsing in his chair before finally ceasing to breathe midsentence, I thought for sure that the conversation was about to be entirely derailed,” said Wu, who was surprised that a classmate would just die in the middle of answering a question about electrostatic induction. 

“But, thank goodness, there were really only about two seconds of silence before someone else picked up where he left off.”

The section had only met for a few minutes before junior Thomas McGuire apparently felt the need to suffer an agonizing and slow death, according to Wu. “We all had to sit there awkwardly and watch him desperately grasp at the air above him while wheezing for help. It was honestly a real mood killer.”

Despite this, the group rolled with the punches and quickly adapted.

“Everything actually went pretty smoothly. The instructor jumped in and brought up an important clarification about electric fields and the ball was rolling again,” added Wu, commending the GSI’s quick thinking and command of the room.

According to Wu, the discussion section had resumed as normal just a few minutes later, each student pulling their weight in not acknowledging the corpse slowly slipping downwards out of view.

“I’m glad that we didn’t let something like the death of one of our classmates get in the way of our learning,” said Wu. “At the end of the day, that’s what matters.”

At press time, Wu reported that McGuire had been miraculously revived, completely disrupting an important conversation about how multiple charges interact with each other.

This is a satirical article written purely for entertainment purposes.

Contact Allen Chen at [email protected].