daily californian logo

BERKELEY'S NEWS • NOVEMBER 18, 2023

A no-BS guide to Valentine’s Day

article image

BIANCA MORAES | CREATIVE COMMONS

(Photo by Bianca Moraes under CC BY-SA 2.0)

SUPPORT OUR NONPROFIT NEWSROOM

We're an independent student-run newspaper, and need your support to maintain our coverage.

FEBRUARY 10, 2022

Valentine’s Day is right around the corner, which means more sappy love notes and kisses. It also means navigating one of the most straightforward yet confusing holidays of the year. To make your day easier – or not – here is a no-BS guide to Valentine’s Day that you can refer to.

1. If you are a woman in a relationship, expect a gift.

2. If you are a man in a relationship, “no gifts” really means gifts.

3. Accept the Valentine’s tax: Pay the extra 30% just because it is heart-shaped and will instantly make them fall for you even more.

4. If you are spending your first Valentine’s Day alone, avoid the holiday section of the grocery store at all costs.

5. You are allowed to say that you would rather spend time with your friends than be in a committed relationship. The thought of being single in your 20s can hurt, but you’ll learn to deal with it.

6. Call Mom and wish her a happy Valentine’s day first thing in the morning, because Dad will have likely forgotten.

7. If your significant other forgets to buy you flowers, you have free rein to bring it up again whenever you get into an argument.

8. Don’t half-ass the flowers. If you happen to settle for supermarket flowers, get the cardholder and vase. It’ll cover up for the fact you couldn’t be bothered to drive an extra half-hour to go to a florist.

9. For a man in a relationship, be prepared to set aside a trust fund and a kidney for the most expensive day of the entire year. You may just get a return on your investment on those gold earrings, French bulldog and Paris trip tickets your partner has been talking about.

10. When in doubt, breakfast-in-bed.

Contact Geraldine Yue at [email protected].
LAST UPDATED

FEBRUARY 10, 2022


Related Articles

featured article
Whether you’re the type of person to dig this sort of holiday or not, use this yearly reminder to love others, but most importantly, love yourself.
Whether you’re the type of person to dig this sort of holiday or not, use this yearly reminder to love others, but most importantly, love yourself.
featured article
featured article
The issue of eradicating child labor in cocoa production continues to be tossed around by key political and commercial players of the cocoa industry, but the actual practice still persists due to the financial pressure children face to support themselves and their families coupled with the greed of big businesses to maximize profits.
The issue of eradicating child labor in cocoa production continues to be tossed around by key political and commercial players of the cocoa industry, but the actual practice still persists due to the financial pressure children face to support themselves and their families coupled with the greed of big businesses to maximize profits.
featured article
featured article
I realize now that my issue with compliments doesn’t come from a distaste I was born with, but it has a lot to do with my own insecurities.
I realize now that my issue with compliments doesn’t come from a distaste I was born with, but it has a lot to do with my own insecurities.
featured article