Several years ago, I developed an uncanny proclivity for having sex in weird outdoor places. Perhaps this stemmed from the fact that I had never found beds a comfortable place to sleep. Maybe it emerged from my infatuation with “Sex and the City,” my admiration for Samantha Jones’ nonchalant attitude toward hookup culture planting a seed in my head.
According to Jones, it seemed like the only way to achieve total sexual liberation was to have sex in random places.
While I’ve since grown out of this phase, it still makes me cringe — and chuckle — when I think about a few of these past encounters. Here are five nontraditional places I’ve had sex, the ratings based on how much I enjoyed it and whether I recommend you give it a try too!
Have no fear, this was late at night and no one was around — although I can’t say that I haven’t seen others try it in broad daylight.
When I was 4 years old, I visited a playground near Harvard University and saw two students getting intimate on the slide as I journeyed up the steps of a play structure. After recognizing what I had witnessed years later, I found myself in the same position with a hookup.
As night had already fallen, the air was crisp and the view of glittering stars above was nice. The curvature of the spiral slide made it a comfortable position for my back, greatly aiding with climax.
Unfortunately, a family had decided to go on a walk at around 11:30 p.m. As they were heading toward the park, I was forced to finish quickly — my orgasm suffered as a result.
Random road that led to a church
I would say this is probably one of the more normal outdoor places I’ve had sex at — my intention had been for my hookup and I to fuck in the car at a remote beach parking lot.
My vagina was a little sore because I had accidentally gotten a tiny and spirited vibrator stuck in there earlier that day. As a result, I decided to sit back, relax and enjoy the ride with no complaints.
As we were getting it on, I noticed a cross in the back and realized we were parked behind a church. While the location wasn’t too original or too weird, the sex was decent.
On the edge of a cliff
This one occurred at night during a dark, windy Sunday.
Since I had already experienced my fair share of the downsides that come with beach sex — like sucking on sandy dick — I suggested having sex on the cliff above the location that my hookup suggested. All was good, and the wind honestly felt more euphoric than annoyingly cold.
Toward the end of the hookup, I realized that 30 feet away, a voyeuristic possum was glaring at us with its glowing eyes, effectively killing the mood.
While my experience wasn’t a love at first sight moment — like when Romeo and Juliet of the 1996 film adaptation gazed at each other through the glass of fish tanks — I did get hit with the desire during a visit I took to the aquarium.
Initially planning to meet a friend there, she later canceled, and I decided to call my friend with benefits to join me. We looked at the fish for around 10 minutes but quickly realized that there were other fish in the sea to engage with. Thus, into the planetarium we went.
Dark, quiet and empty, there were no possums this time.
This location probably encompasses one of my worst sex stories, aside from the time when someone bit my front tooth during foreplay. I would later find out their first time having sex was also their first kiss.
Regardless, having sex on a forest trail continues to be one of the most disappointing. While I thought I was in one of the most remote locations possible, I ended up getting caught twice, two days in a row.
The position I got caught in: doggy style, with my full ass being the first thing a hiker saw after walking past the bush at the road’s bend. The hiker quickly put her mask on despite the event occurring way before the COVID-19 pandemic.
She fled the scene, and I never returned to that trail again. I’ve also never had sex in such an outdoor place since.