You can’t stop me from drinking coffee. You see, me and coffee have a very different kind of relationship. In truth, it’s a stark contrast to anything I’ve ever known before, and it’s always played an important role in my life.

My love for the bean juice started around the age of 9 when my dad offered me a sip of his sweet, warm coffee sitting inside of a gray tumbler. It was a brisk, autumn Sunday morning, and we were bundled in thick sweaters, beanies and scarves (also known as the kind of cold where you could see your breath as you talk). Now, I’m a self-classified coffee enthusiast. Alongside being a (nearly) daily caffeine drinker, I’m constantly reminded of its negative effects. However, the truth of the matter is: I don’t care. 

Believe me when I say that coffee and I are in a toxic relationship. You know, the kind your friends have to frequently warn you about in hopes it’ll stick. I’m relentlessly warned about my addiction and how it’s going to have consequences one day, but I’m not sure I believe them. Perhaps this is a result of my Aries tendencies, and I’d rather continue with my routine of caramel macchiatos from the kind ladies at The Golden Bear Café than deal with the caffeine-withdrawal headaches.

If my friends can’t get me to put the mug down, it definitely won’t be my fellow Cloggers who’ve tried switching to tea for a week or curated many lists of alternatives to coffee. I’m deeply sorry to my peers, though. I know you’ve spent many hours crafting a message directed toward my coffee obsession, but I’m simply not here for it. I wish I were lying, but I’m drinking coffee right now as I write this. You can’t make these sorts of things up.

In all seriousness, I have fond memories of this beverage, one of which was my parents. Back home, me and my parents would drink a cup twice a day — one in the morning and the other around nighttime. While in college, coffee has been a force giving me solace in the most uncomfortable of times. Although Folgers instant coffee doesn’t compare to my dad’s stovetop espresso maker, it provides a similar sense of warmth. Furthermore, there’s nothing like a good cup of joe that keeps a busy student motivated, right? It’s only a plus that it just happens to keep me awake. 

So perhaps you’re like me and have your fair share of headaches and eye twitches without your usual cup of coffee. If you can’t seem to let go of this daily ritual, you shouldn’t have to. With everything in life, it’s all a matter of balance. Taking care of yourself is important, but frankly, a warm cup of coffee should be viewed as self-care all the same.