BERKELEY'S NEWS • OCTOBER 01, 2022

Spread my legs and fly

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Staff

MAY 13, 2022

Sunday

LADIES, GENTLEMEN AND THOSE WHO OTHERWISE SPECIFY. MY MOTIVATION PLUG IS OUT OF TOWN SO HERE I AM FOR A WHOLE WEEK OF KINO FARR ORIGINAL MOTIVATION. “THE CIRCUMSTANCES OF ONE’S BIRTH ARE IRRELEVANT; IT IS WHAT YOU DO WITH THE GIFT OF LIFE THAT DETERMINES WHO YOU ARE,” SAID MY FOURTH FAVORITE POKÉMON, MEWTWO.

I THINK THAT’S GREAT BECAUSE YOU ALWAYS HAVE THE CHOICE TO BE WHAT YOU WANT TO BE. I WANTED TO BE A SUNFLOWER WHEN I WAS YOUNG, BUT I WAS NEVER TALL ENOUGH. DON’T LET THAT STOP YOU FROM BLOOMING INTO THE SUNFLOWER I KNOW YOU CAN BECOME. 

I LOVE YOU! HAVE A GREAT WEEK!

Monday

LADIES, GENTLEMEN AND THOSE WHO OTHERWISE SPECIFY: ANOTHER DAY, ANOTHER MOTIVATION. 

A GREAT MONKEY ONCE SAID, “海賊王におれはなる.” THAT’S HECKA INSPIRING TO ME BECAUSE MANY MEN AND WOMEN HAVE TOLD THIS MONKEY THAT HE CAN NEVER BE 海賊王, BUT HE DOESN’T LET THAT STAND IN HIS LITTLE MONKEY WAY. THE SAME THING HAPPENED TO ME WHEN I WAS YOUNG: I WAS TOLD I WOULD NEVER AMOUNT TO ANYTHING OR BE ABLE TO TOUCH MY TOES BUT GUESS WHAT HOMIES?

I GOT FIRED FROM MY JOB YESTERDAY!

I’M GRADUATING FROM THE UNIVERSITY OF CALIFORNIA, Berkeley IN SPITE OF EVERYTHING THAT STOOD IN MY WAY!

I STILL CAN’T TOUCH MY TOES.

WHO CARES THOUGH?! 海賊王におれはなる. 

Tuesday

(SIRENS) ATTENTION LADIES, GENTLEMEN AND THOSE WHO OTHERWISE SPECIFY (SIRENS): IT’S THAT TIME OF THE WEEK AGAIN!!! MOTIVATIONAL TUESDAY IS BACK!! 

“Nothing is impossible” is a quote that I hear a lot of silly people say. BUT I THINK THAT NOTHING CAN BE POSSIBLE. I DO NOTHING EVERY DAY, EXCEPT SMOKE A LITTLE GRASS. IN FACT SOMETIMES NOTHING IS THE BEST THING THAT YOU CAN DO BECAUSE LIFE CAN GET REALLY HECTIC. IT’S IMPORTANT TO TAKE A BREAK AND DO SOMETHING FOR YOURSELF BY DOING NOTHING BY YOURSELF. 

ENJOY DOING NOTHING TODAY. I LOVE YOU HAVE A GREAT DAY.

Wednesday

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN AND THOSE WHO OTHERWISE SPECIFY: IT’S TIME FOR A BOOSTER DOSE OF MIDWEEK MOTIVATION.

WOW SOMETHING SMELLS STINKY IN HERE.

IS THAT YOU?

EW

OH IT’S ME?

EW

OH IT’S BOTH OF US?

EW

LET’S BOTH TAKE A SHOWER AND TALK AGAIN TOMORROW. I LOVE YOU. HAVE A GREAT DAY.

Thursday

LADIES, MENTLEGEN AND THOSE WHO OTHERWISE SPECIFY, IT IS THAT TIME OF WEEK AGAIN. WELCOME BACK TO MOTIVATIONAL MONDAY. I DON’T WANT TO DO ANYTHING AT ALL, BUT I KNOW THAT I HAVE TO. I DON’T WANT TO COOK BUT I MUST EAT FOOD, SO RAMSEY AND I MADE SOFT BOILED EGGS IN THE AIR FRYER AT 1 a.m. LAST NIGHT. WHEN I DO THESE THINGS, HOWEVER, THEY ARE VERY WORTH IT. 

WHEN I MADE EGGS AT 1 a.m., I LEARNED THAT I CAN FIT A WHOLE EGG IN MY MOUTH! IT’S IMPORTANT TO DO THINGS FOR YOURSELF. SOME PHILOSOPHER TALKED ABOUT LAZINESS AND COWARDICE HINDERING MANKIND, AND TO BE HONEST THAT’S KINDA RIGHT. SO LET’S ALL STOP BEING COWARDS, EAT FOOD AND SEE HOW MANY EGGS WE CAN FIT IN OUR MOUTHS AT 1 a.m.

I LOVE YOU HAVE A GREAT DAY.

Friday

LADIES, GENTLEMEN AND THOSE WHO OTHERWISE SPECIFY! MOTIVATION IS BACK FOR ANOTHER DAY! SOMETIMES I AM NOT MOTIVATED. I DON’T WANT TO BE WRITING THIS TO YOU RIGHT NOW, BUT I JUST CALLED MY MOM AND SHE TOLD ME SHE BELIEVES IN ME. THEN SHE BURPED REALLY LOUD IN HER CAT’S FACE. YOU SHOULD CALL YOUR PARENTS, TOO. THEY WOULD LOVE TO TELL YOU THEY LOVE YOU AND BURP IN YOUR EAR. I LOVE YOU, MOM! HAVE A GREAT DAY.

Saturday

LADIES, GENTLEMEN AND THOSE WHO OTHERWISE SPECIFY: WE ARE BACK FOR MOTIVATIONAL SATURDAY. OH C—P OH FRICK I’M GRADUATING REALLY SOON AND THAT’S REALLY SCARY BECAUSE NOW I HAVE TO DO ADULT THINGS LIKE PAY MY TAXES AND MOVE INTO MY MOTHER’S HOUSE. SOMETHING KINDA COOL THOUGH IS THAT ONCE I DON’T HAVE TO DEAL WITH SCHOOL ANYMORE, I CAN TAKE THE TIME TO FOCUS ON ME AND DO THE THINGS THAT MAKE ME HAPPY AND LOVE MYSELF TO THE FULLEST INSTEAD OF PRETENDING THAT I LOVE RHETORIC. I LOVE ALL OF YOU FULL FORCE, BUT I’M EXCITED TO HAVE THE TIME TO DO THE SAME FOR ME ONCE I SPREAD MY LEGS AND FLY OUT OF Berkeley. SO YEAH, WHAT YOU SHOULD TAKE FROM THIS IS THAT YOU SHOULD ALWAYS LIVE AND LOVE TO THE FULLEST. THIS APPLIES TO YOU AND OTHERS, EVEN THAT GUY AT THE GROCERY STORE WHO EATS TOO MANY OF THE GRAPES IN THE PRODUCE SECTION AND SAYS, “BUT THEY’RE FREE SAMPLES.” TO BE HONEST, I REALLY ADMIRE THAT GUY’S CONFIDENCE AND SELF-LOVE, YOU SHOULD TRY TO DO THE SAME.

These hectic walls of text have allowed me to actually find some peace and motivation in spite of the onslaught of the universe. Is it egotistic of me to hope that it’s done the same for you? Because I do. 

Thank you for letting me yell at you every day. I hope we can talk again soon, but until we can see each other again, remember:

I’ll always love you. Have a great life. Good luck.

Contact Kino Farr at 

LAST UPDATED

MAY 13, 2022