Some days of the year are for dark
Colors. Mahogany pillars
And emerald green turtlenecks.
Tucked into shadows and lamplight,
Daylight feeling far, far from me,

I sit in my smallness, soak in
The feeling of being swallowed
Whole. The pressure in my ears feels
Almost too much to bear, but I
Have never known what “too much” is.

The stars whisper to me. They say,
“The most isolating moments
Are opportunities to learn.”
I sit alone in crowded rooms
And try to feel alive again.

Where have my December rains gone?
They have not fallen, fat droplets
Washing clean the wrongs of the year.
Where is my rainforest monsoon?
God’s tears falling in hefty sheets

A reminder that we are all
Sinners somehow — that we all have
Mistakes missing absolution.
I turn my gaze to the bright blue
And think of loved ones left behind.