Halloween! A wonderful holiday where cavities are forgotten, gorging yourself on candy is expected and nothing is as it seems. Picture this: You’re all dressed up in the costume you picked out last minute, making your way to meet up with friends for some devilish fun when all of a sudden you run into the last thing you wanted to see — a couple. What type of couple, do you ask? Well, the answer varies. Below are the five couples you have a 99% chance of encountering this Halloween.
The matching costume couple
Oh no … it’s them. Cue the horror music! It’s the couple that’s wearing matching costumes. Only it’s not your basic Chucky and Tiffany pair, no, these costumes were well thought out and planned months in advance. Not only do their costumes scream “We’re disgustingly happy,” but the smiles on their faces make them look like it too. You longingly glance down at their interlaced fingers holding hands as they walk in unison, mentally cataloging the image for future reference when you actually have a beau yourself. Good luck next year.
The half-costumed couple
Although one person in this pair isn’t clad in costume, you can tell they’re together by the way one of them is kneeling on the ground, holding the phone as they yell out “Babe, turn to the right! The lighting is better!” Wow, it must be nice to have someone to take your Instagram pictures. The supportive partner and personal photographer turned into one lovingly carries an extra hoodie for the other half, knowing the amount of skin their costume covers won’t do anything against the brisk cold later that night. I guess it’s the least they can do since they aren’t weighed down by itchy costume fabric.
The reluctant couple
These two have only the cutest dynamic to ever exist. The pained grimace on one of their faces reveals their internal thoughts: “I didn’t want to dress up for this dumb holiday but I’ll do it just to make you happy.” Can it get any worse? You can clearly tell that one of them is uncomfortable in the cow onesie their partner picked out for them, yet a quick kiss on the cheek makes everything worth it. Just step on my romance book tropes and live my “I only have a soft spot for you” dreams in front of me — why don’t you?
The “pretending to be toxic” couple that actually is
They’re hot, attractive and a whole lot of toxic. Are they pretending for the night? Or is their relationship really all that destructive? Not only is this the couple that hogs up the bathroom the entire night because they need to “talk it out in private” (which you can do outside, by the way) but they’re also the couple that packs on the PDA once they’ve reconciled. Does some part of me want to experience the toxic cycle of passion, love and rage? Of course not … well secretly, maybe?
The “family costume” couple
This is the couple that thinks having a pet together suddenly makes them a “family.” Let me paint the picture for you: They adopted an adorable puppy late August because they felt their relationship was ready for the next “step.” As soon as October started, they started looking for “dog and owner Halloween costumes,” thankful to find that Google provided a multitude of options. Mario and Luigi have Yoshi on a leash as they all smile into the camera for the Instagram post that they will caption later tonight with “Super Mario Bros take on Berkeley.” Blocked.
Who needs a loving partner when I have Halloween candy to sort through? The Clog wishes you bitter singles a clear path away from these couples to ensure you have the happiest of Halloweens this year!