I’m back at it again, and ready to read everyone once more. With the new release of Midnights, Taylor Swift has done it again. She’s what everyone’s talking about, her songs are trending on almost every social media platform, and she continues to be the Princess of Pop. Midnights was everything I hoped it would be and more — and if it wasn’t for you then it’s your taste that needs fixing, not mine.
With this new album release, Taylor’s other albums deserve just as much recognition for their artistry. Now, as a dedicated Swiftie, I don’t feel — I know — I have the ultimate position to judge everyone on their favorite TS album. So, without further ado, here’s what your favorite Taylor album says about you.
Debut: Taylor Swift
If your favorite album is the debut album, I just know you’re a country gal. It’s probably the only album you like, and that’s okay — for you. It’s definitely got it’s bangers — I mean, I know every single word to “Our Song” — but I just feel like there’s better albums Taylor has done, and I know I’m right. Still love Debut though, she’s just like the little sister we all love but still find annoying.
Your favorite album is Fearless because you’ve been a Swiftie since its initial release. You heard “You Belong With Me” and went “Wow, she so gets me,” and I respect that. You listen to Fearless to relive your childhood when you need it most, and appreciate its lesser known songs like “Hey Stephen” and “The Way I Loved You.” You’re an OG Swiftie, and you’re almost on the same level as I am.
Now we’re getting somewhere. Speak Now is arguably the beginning of Taylor’s exceptional writing skills. So if this is your favorite album, it’s because you love hearing baby Taylor’s beautiful words. I mean “So I watch your life in pictures like I used to watch you sleep. And I feel you forget me like I used to feel you breathe.” Absolute poetry. You like Speak Now because you like the adolescent artistry, and I honestly love that for you.
Who hurt you? Or, more specifically, who hurt us? That’s right, this is also my favorite album. Red is the home of the infamous “All Too Well,” and that’s partly the reason why it’s our favorite album. But with songs like “The Last Time” and “Sad Beautiful Tragic,” we know this isn’t just the “All Too Well” album, this is the ultimate emotional release album. We love the raw emotion Taylor pours into Red, and we even relate to it. So again, who hurt us? We know who hurt us.
1989 was an actual cultural reset, so if this album’s your favorite it’s because you know what “legendary” looks like. This was Taylor’s first major shift to pop music, where she embraced the single city girl life — and so do you! You’re honestly just thriving, and you like to step on the necks of the guys who broke your heart while you’re at it. Nothing wrong with that. Honestly, I have nothing bad to say about you 1989 fans, just keep doing you.
Only bad bleeps love Reputation. You’re in your man-eating era, and I genuinely support you in that. Also, you’re possibly going through a mental breakdown and on the verge of deleting all your social media and disappearing off the face of the Earth — and you know what, I’ll respect that. I’m just going to stop here, because you Reputation stans kind of scare me and I don’t want to make you guys mad.
I hate you guys. Not because you have bad taste — you have wonderful taste — but because you’re happy and I’m bitter. You’ve gone on with your lives and probably found a nice partner to live life with, and I’m happy for you — but I’m going to be happy for you from a distance. That, or you’re one of the Lover stans that wishes they could relate to this album. In that case, welcome to the club.
You’re a poet. Folklore is Taylor’s most beautifully written album, and the reason you love it so much is because of that. Folklore is for the humanities majors — the English, comparative literature, poetry and philosophy baddies. Every song on this album makes you cry, and that’s okay. You either relate to a song or two, or you really relate to a song or two. I guess the question is, are you okay? No, no you’re not. I’ll let you guys go cry in the corner now.
I’m just going to go ahead and say it. Everyone forgets about you. I’m sorry, but it’s true. Just like Taylor never acknowledges this album, no one ever acknowledges your presence. You’re probably more melancholy than the Folklore stans. It’s okay, your fellow Swifties are here for you. You can cry on our shoulders, it’s okay — there, there Evermore stans, there, there.
First things first. If you didn’t like Midnights, I’m automatically assuming you just hopped on the bandwagon. Fake fan alert! Midnights was an actual masterpiece, and if you’re disappointed then I don’t know what to tell you. Now, if this is your favorite album then wow you move on fast. Don’t get me wrong, I get it — this album is amazing — but it’s only been out for like a week. I guess your inability to stick to one thing could be a good thing. Keep sparkling, Midnight stans.
Now go on with your Easter egg hunts and theorizing of when Taylor is planning to drop her next Taylor’s Version album! Until next time, I hope these comments don’t totally keep you up at night.