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Girl Chat: Realizing you may be the problem sometimes

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FEBRUARY 27, 2023

Ever feel like the entire world is against you? Maybe it’s one of those days or one of many where everyone and everything seems to be making your life more of a hassle. Hell, even the faulty door knob seems to have it out for you. Let’s take a moment and observe it from the outside, is it possible that you could be the problem? I know it can be hard to paint yourself as the antagonist at times, but we all have more room to grow. The Clog has some questions you can ask yourself when you’re feeling a little indecisive about your role in all of this. 

Could you have done something wrong? 

Let’s retrace our steps. Whatever situation you may find yourself in — a feud with a friend, a recurring argument with your boyfriend, an angry voicemail from your mother — think back to the beginning. Where did it start? How did it start? When retracing your steps, take a third-person perspective. Looking at the situation from an outside perspective allows you to be more critical of yourself. If you find a pattern, one in which you’re always the person starting the argument, then you’ve found your answer. 

How are you approaching the problem? 

Are you quick to lunge out? Do you tend to throw a tantrum when you don’t get your way? Do you brush things off and never talk them out? Taking time to ask yourself these questions and answer them honestly can be a big help in realizing your way of handling problems may not be the healthiest. Could your way of doing things be the reason you’re the bad guy?

Toxic traits?

We weren’t born without any. All relationships suffer when toxic traits enter as a third party. So what are some of these traits that make us feel like the ultimate asshole? It can range from something as small as being overly defensive to gaslighting. Now ask yourself, are you doing this on purpose or is it on pure instinct? Because our fight-or-flight instinct is engraved into us at a very young age, and many of us fail to notice the negative impacts it has on our relationships. 

Is there something I can do?

Coming to terms that you may have been the problem is a difficult conclusion to process. You’ve taken the first big step, a brave one. Not everyone has the emotional maturity to realize they are at fault. And now comes the decision to make a change. I suggest trying new ways to approach roadblocks in your life, whether that’s by journaling, talking to a professional, behavioral therapy, learning to adjust your attitude, etc. Introspection is of the utmost importance!

I myself have struggled with realizing that I can be the problem at times. I hope these tips lead you on the path of leaving the bad guy behind.

Contact Heidy Paniagua at 


FEBRUARY 27, 2023