What do you mean, “write about me”? I have to work too and there are other things going on in my life, you know? But if I ever do find the time, I might write you a few letters. 

Letters with Angst (they’ll just be rants, you never made me feel pretty in my high-hoisted polyester pants). Letters of Bain (BCG and McKinsey, you got your dream job, did I ever tell you how proud I am baby?). Letters because, honestly, you were a Bitch (you didn’t think I was talented, just rich). Letters of Curses (why God, why?). Letters sent to Churches (I guess I’ll trust in Him for Her, sigh). Letters I spied from my little eye (the first letter of her name, on your Spotify). Letters on D (I don’t want to write this one please, re: my last letter). Letters of Edibles (I’m cool and older now, I get high and touch other people’s genitals). Letters saying FUCK. YOU. (). Letters of Goo Goo Ga Ga (you’ve just baby-talked with me, not her, right baba?). Letters for the sake of your Health (stop smoking those cigarettes idiot, how many times do I tell you they cause death?). Letters asking Have you ever played a car game with her? (tell me, it’s whatever, I know you guys have done lots of stuff together). Letters of Hahaha, (life is silly silly silly, I forgive you and I look back at us fondly). Letters that say I (place your hand on my chest,) love you (place my hand on your boobie hehe). Letters of Iggy (Azalea I mean, whatever happened to her lately?). Letters about Jubilee (I can’t say much, due to client confidentiality, but I worked with them recently!). Letters filled with Kisses (muah muah muah muah muah- smooch attack! my beautiful princess). Letters in muchos Languages (throwback to us in quarantine as Duolingo kids). Letters in your Memory (I honor your remembrance but I grieved you already). Letters in the Mail and on my Main (what’s the point? you’ll do nothing but just watch them again). Letters that are Needy (it’s been so long, the bit is done, just leave her now, for me). Letters for you my Octopus (your lips were so slippery the first time we kissed). Letters on a Penis (i’ve seen one now and they’re so funny looking, can we discuss?). Letters with Questions (i’m just curious, I know you didn’t have any malicious intentions). Letters asking for Reassurance (you’ll always love me? you’ll tell your kids?). Letters asking how was your day Sunshine (did you eat properly? did you get home fine?). Letters that are Tattoos (what’s that one? Is it inspired by her? refuse refuse) Letters from Under (would you regret it all if I died today? I wonder). Letters Wailing (these will be voice notes, 20 minutes just bawling). Letters to my eX (oh yeah, you’re in love? How’s the sex?). Letters that you would get Yearly (happy birthday sweet girl, I miss you dearly). Letters that are so chill, so Zen (with this one being the first example).         

What do you mean, “write about me”?