For incoming freshman and transfer students, dressing and acting like a local, seasoned student is just as important as having a post-grad job offer before you graduate. I’ve made this comprehensive list of all the things you will need daily for school in order to not only fit in but remain prepared for the rest of your time here!
1. Several 5 Hour Energies in your backpack
You need to be ready for a possible all-nighter at any time. Maybe you have a test or assignment that you forgot about, or honestly you just need a quick pick-me-up because frankly, we are tired all the time. When you’re on campus for the entire day you have no idea whether you’ll crash with no warning, so having some of these delicious and not at all rancid tasting boosts of energy will keep you going.
2. Hiking boots
These hills are the most treacherous I have ever seen in my life. I would never ever leave my house without wearing the most heavy duty hiking boots known to man. Is it a hundred degrees? It doesn’t matter, the boots stay on.
3. Clip-on business card holder
You have to be ready to network at any given moment. What if your possible future boss only has a second to speak to you. By the time you reach into your backpack or pull out your email, they could lose interest and you can kiss that career goodbye. Getting a business card holder with your contact information and every little thing you have ever accomplished will ensure you are quick and efficient in building your professional circle.
4. Noise-canceling headphones
You might have heard of something called imposter syndrome that seems to wreak havoc through the school. The only way to combat this is by replacing it with main character syndrome — believing you are the only real person to exist. Getting really good headphones allows you to play music really loud and feel like you’re in a movie. If the noise canceling is good enough, you can block out all the exterior noise and you will feel like the only real person at all times.
5. A sweet treat or beverage
A candy or drink of any kind is crucial to enduring the weight of this existence. When your life is at rock bottom at least you have a fun snack! It’s the only thing I live for sometimes.
6. Your ID (if you’re above 21)
Happy hour gets more and more necessary as the semester continues.
7. A pillow
When the caffeine isn’t working sometimes you need to accept that you need a nap. A quick sleep break on Memorial Glade or the middle of the library will be way more comfortable if you bring a whole fluffy pillow. Just stuff it in your backpack.
Tears will be shed in your time here and these are just nice to have when they do eventually erupt when you least expect it to.
The culture and environment at this school is one that I have never experienced before. I’ve never met so many exhausted people, nor ones that have been so driven and excited to make something of themselves, taking hold of their dreams in such an inspiring way. Despite its oddities and seriousness that I sometimes feel is silly or too much, I wouldn’t want to be anywhere else.
This is a satirical article written purely for entertainment purposes.