Casey Li

Realizing what I had done in choosing to write a column was like pulling over to throw up in a Wendy’s for dignity’s sake — only to wake 17 hours later having signed a contract for nine more weeks of throwing up in a Wendy’s.

Why does every direct-to-consumer digital startup employ the same marketing team? I’m tired of baby colors and distinctive fonts trying to sell me things.

Why do I suck at geography? When we played, I couldn’t name a single other state’s capital. Imagine my dismay after reading the answers that I had actually been to two of them. At some point, you simply have to take measures to preserve yourself and your dignity, so I blame my ignorance on how eminently forgettable Carson City, Nevada, and Denver, Colorado were.

I’m a part of a private direct message on Instagram dedicated to analyzing facial beauty in women, and oh my god. It’s a freakin’ cesspool in there.

If you remember, “Blackfish” was about an orca named Tilikum who was a SeaWorld attraction for many years and allegedly mauled several people to death. Very nice stuff for casual watching.

I just want to be spoon-fed — but just a little. To that end, I watch TikTok compilations on Youtube. A lot of them are pleasingly titled “tiktoks endorsed by the CEO of comedy” or something along the lines of “tiktoks to help us forget death is certain for everyone on this Earth,” and what can I say? Whoever writes those titles should write copy. 

It is imperative every student in every class taken this semester at UC Berkeley be graded pass/no pass with no exceptions.

Business communications platforms have always struggled with the appropriate amount of transparency. Email is too life-threateningly dull for a real group conversation; does everyone need to know or care about why you canceled this week?

Let’s talk women in lunacy. They're the illuminating symbol, the plot engine and the throughline for all that’s wrong and scary about the world.

We envision ourselves curiously unbound by the cause-effect relationships to which we consign others. What happens when that happy illusion shatters?