Lillian Avedian

Heart trembling on tongue, I shatter the still silence of perfection, admitting aloud for the first time what I had never dared to say.

My time at UC Berkeley has slowly chipped away at this vision, of the lover with the boombox who holds the answers to my life's questions. Yet for me, the vision has been replaced with something more glorious, something I never would have dreamed of.

My mother named me after her favorite flower, the lily. Hoping to blend the English word with an Armenian pronunciation, she invented a new name, “Lillian” (pronounced “lee-lee-yan”), an innovative manner of bridging together the two languages to create something new.

I am obsessed with time. The ticking of the clock is constantly in my ear, and I am always racing, always behind, fighting to fill up each moment with contributions and accomplishments and meaning.

While this essay will not catalyze global change or end the devastating Naghorno-Kharabagh conflict, it is a step in my personal journey to define my relationship with my Armenian heritage, to reconcile my desire for a liberated Armenian people with my fierce feminism.

Though these classes are incredibly important to cultural preservation and maintaining campus diversity, they have not been prioritized because of their low visibility and perceived lack of practical value.