A gentleman’s guide to sex

Off the Beat: Sex on Tuesday

It is oft said, by those of reputable esteem, that the way to a woman’s heart is through keen endeavors of charitable kindness. A gentleman of fine standing will, if he has been guided properly, display his affections in a manner befitting the occasion. Bouquets of flowers will be sent,
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California should give a shit

Off the Beat

I fucking hate opinions. That is not to say that I hate other people’s opinions. I just always avoided giving mine. I attribute it to being the youngest of three brothers with a vocal father — to avoid fights I became a natural listener. I just never felt confident or
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Cal is my university, too

I chose to attend UC Berkeley primarily for its public mission. I respect its purpose above all others; It made for an easy decision to leave my Vermont home to study in California. But I have often felt, throughout my five semesters on campus, that this respect is not reciprocated.
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The nostalgic way forward

Nostalgia, I have been taught, is a longing to recreate a lost home. It’s a desire I always feel intensely during my first few weeks back in Berkeley after any time in my hometown. I long for the way the world looks from inside a car — the way buildings
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A case for speechlessness

Off the Beat: Sex on Tuesday

I’m not the mysterious type. I’m never short on words. Actually, someone should muzzle me. But in bed, dirty talk isn’t all too high on my list since I wasn’t raised to talk with my mouth full. When I was hooking up with a co-worker, our off hours were spent
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Stopping smokeless statism

Off the Beat: Given Insight

I am a sanctimonious non-smoker. I have never smoked a cigarette in my life, nor do I ever intend to. I find smoking downright disgusting and cannot comprehend how any rational person would take up the habit. Much to the chagrin of my smoking acquaintances, I make my opinion of
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What is… my paycheck?

Off the Beat

Answer: Hit the bull’s-eye and name this discount retail store first opened by the Dayton Company in 1962. What is Target? Answer: This singer renamed herself “Sasha Fierce” for a 2008 double album. Who is Beyonce? And just like that, I’ve pushed through the Jeopardy! practice test, having completed my
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What is in a name?

Off the Beat

The second we said it aloud, we knew we were onto something epic. The scene: a living room in a post-apocalyptic state the morning after a party. The players: my housemates and me. The crime: naming our typically rundown student apartment and embarking on possibly the most ridiculous adventure we’ve
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Man’s pursuit of hirsute

Off the Beat: Sex on Tuesday

Does it matter if it looks like his penis is wearing an afro? Is it that big of a deal if her bush resembles Zach Galifinakis’s face? Well, I guess it all depends if you like to floss and give oral sex at the same time. All jokes aside, pubic
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