On the Dirty Boulevard

Man Under Bridge

The American Standard: What is it, or what should it be? Politicians, philosophers, art­ists and just about everyone else have some opinion on the subject. Perhaps it’s a claim to life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness. Or maybe it’s an ideology more closely related to that intangible thing we
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The other side of the coin

Champagne Problems

“They fuck you up, your mum and dad. / They may not mean to, but they do. / They fill you with the faults they had / And add some extra, just for you.” So says renowned English poet Philip Larkin in his poem “This Be The Verse.” When my
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Meme team

Life in the Matrix

What my friends think I do: geek out. What my mom thinks I do: she doesn’t. What society thinks I do: write things not worthy of comment. What I think I do: craft profound explorations of human cyber-consciousness. What my editor thinks I do: place a wrench in the publishing
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Just between me and you

Sex on Tuesday

Secrets — we all have them. You might be hiding the fact that you still pray for Paula to come back to American Idol, that you own a Stanford sweatshirt (yeah, right, “your cousin who went there bought it for you back in the day”) or even that you believe Yoshua.
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Don’t be an ASUC sucker

Given Insight

If you’re one of 36,000 Cal students and 845 million Facebook users like me, you’ve probably been entranced by UC Berkeley Memes lately. Whether it’s the “Inception” maze of Dwinelle Hall, trollface 51B bus or “rent is too damn high” Clark Kerr Campus, these memes tailored to our community deliver
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Foot-in-mouth syndrome

Man Under Bridge

God have mercy, doesn’t he know people can hear him? He does, but sometimes words just slip out. Such is the plight of that guy, suffering from the occasional bout of foot-in-mouth syndrome. It happens to a lot of people, but it doesn’t make it any less awkward. The faces reminiscent
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Do the time warp… again

Champagne Problems

The optimist sees the donut. The pessimist sees the hole. The cynic asks why anyone would give out free donuts in the first place. The opportunist grabs the donut and runs. The pessimist always saw that coming. The optimist hopes it will all work out for the best. While everyone else eats
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Spending time

Life in the Matrix

Everything takes time. Natural processes — like tectonic movement and its homo sapiens analogue, gestation — take a certain amount of time, no more and no less. For example, a major earthquake splits the Hayward Fault open every 140 years, on average. No use worrying: Just keep calm and carry
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Sober isn’t always better

Sex on Tuesday

I love drunk sex. It’s true — no matter how cliche this probably already sounds. True, often enough, one does not fully or mostly remember drunken encounters, and of course there’s the good ol’ sloppiness that comes with inebriation — let’s not even mention guys’ occasional “alcohol impairment.” But all that
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On cuts, fees and priorities

Given Insight

Maybe you’ve heard it shrieked from a protester’s megaphone as you cross Sproul Plaza. Maybe you’ve seen it chalked on building as you walk to class. Regardless of the method of communication, you’ve likely come across the catchphrase sometime in the course of your Berkeley education: “No cuts, no fees,
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