Wherever I lay my hat

Champagne Problems

There’s no place like home. There’s no place like home. There’s no place like… whatever, Dorothy. You’d better not wear those shoes to a Cal-Stanford game. But that smug Kansas kid had one thing right. Wherever you are, whatever you do, the pull of your home is inexorable. We carry
Read More…

Echinoderms not allowed

Sex on Tuesday

I like to think that sex is supposed to be fun. For everyone. I mean, there is a reason why there is a multimillion dollar industry built around it, and prostitution is “the oldest profession.” People enjoy sex, a lot. But there is a group out there that does not seem
Read More…

Paul and the political future

Given Insight

Hello, Casey! This is Ani from the Ron Paul for President campaign,” the voice on the other end of the line warmly greeted me as my heart began beating uncontrollably. “Ron is coming to San Francisco next Thursday, and we were wondering if you would be interested in arranging an
Read More…

On the Dirty Boulevard

Man Under Bridge

The American Standard: What is it, or what should it be? Politicians, philosophers, art­ists and just about everyone else have some opinion on the subject. Perhaps it’s a claim to life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness. Or maybe it’s an ideology more closely related to that intangible thing we
Read More…

The other side of the coin

Champagne Problems

“They fuck you up, your mum and dad. / They may not mean to, but they do. / They fill you with the faults they had / And add some extra, just for you.” So says renowned English poet Philip Larkin in his poem “This Be The Verse.” When my
Read More…

Meme team

Life in the Matrix

What my friends think I do: geek out. What my mom thinks I do: she doesn’t. What society thinks I do: write things not worthy of comment. What I think I do: craft profound explorations of human cyber-consciousness. What my editor thinks I do: place a wrench in the publishing
Read More…

Just between me and you

Sex on Tuesday

Secrets — we all have them. You might be hiding the fact that you still pray for Paula to come back to American Idol, that you own a Stanford sweatshirt (yeah, right, “your cousin who went there bought it for you back in the day”) or even that you believe Yoshua.
Read More…

Don’t be an ASUC sucker

Given Insight

If you’re one of 36,000 Cal students and 845 million Facebook users like me, you’ve probably been entranced by UC Berkeley Memes lately. Whether it’s the “Inception” maze of Dwinelle Hall, trollface 51B bus or “rent is too damn high” Clark Kerr Campus, these memes tailored to our community deliver
Read More…

Foot-in-mouth syndrome

Man Under Bridge

God have mercy, doesn’t he know people can hear him? He does, but sometimes words just slip out. Such is the plight of that guy, suffering from the occasional bout of foot-in-mouth syndrome. It happens to a lot of people, but it doesn’t make it any less awkward. The faces reminiscent
Read More…

Do the time warp… again

Champagne Problems

The optimist sees the donut. The pessimist sees the hole. The cynic asks why anyone would give out free donuts in the first place. The opportunist grabs the donut and runs. The pessimist always saw that coming. The optimist hopes it will all work out for the best. While everyone else eats
Read More…