Editor’s Note: April Fool’s Day 2019
Why not dedicate packaged content to the greatest there ever will be? We at the Clog want to show our appreciation for our favorite man, Steve Carell!
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Clog Report: Professor tries to catch students for conversing in Morse code during midterm
Noticing that the sneezes seemed to make specific sounds in varying combos, a professor deduced that the students were using Morse code, sneeze edition.
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Clog Report: Entire ant hill found in dining hall salad
Here at UC Berkeley, it’s no mystery that the dining hall food is astoundingly subpar. Several instances of meals with a side of a singular horse fly can be seen nearly once a day on the popular Facebook page, Overheard at UC Berkeley — and last Friday night at Crossroads was no different.
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Clog Report: Students protest midterm by writing lyrics to ‘Fight for California’ in red ink
The professor was surprised to find that nearly all of his students submitted their green books filled in with red pen, with the lyrics to “Fight for California” inscribed on each page in red pen.
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Clog Report: Student still same person after repeatedly saying ‘new year, new me’
After repeatedly saying the phrase “new year, new me” since the start of 2019 almost three weeks ago, UC Berkeley student Elle Dwin confirmed Thursday, to her dismay, that she still is indeed the same person she was last year.
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Clog Report: Overcrowding in libraries leads to students studying in trees
Over the course of the week, there has been a new phenomenon of students scaling the many different trees on campus to find a nice, relaxing study spot in the branches.
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Clog Report: Students enroll in all desired classes during Phase I
Thanks to fiscally sound administrative policies and efficient, fair enrollment procedures, every UC Berkeley student was able to enroll in the classes they desired during Phase I of spring 2019 class registration.
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Clog report: KiwiBots placed on endangered species list
With club season finally coming to a close, it was announced that KiwiBots have become endangered and have gone off into hiding. “We’ve just been seeing fewer and fewer bots on campus,” a concerned sophomore shared with the Clog.
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Clog report: UC Berkeley freshman gets mistaken for elementary schooler
An imposter with the same name has been impersonating the freshman. But the other Joe Sather happens to be a fourth-grader from a nearby elementary school.
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Student who thinks he’s better than everyone else finds out that he isn’t
Normally a confident freshman, Jonah Sproul was found looking extremely distressed in his floor’s lounge this morning by his roommate. They reported that he was pacing and wringing his hands, muttering something about how “maybe he’s not God’s gift to this campus after all.” “I’ll admit, Jonah can be a
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