Clog Report: Freshman throwing Dwinelle doors open needs to calm down

Students reportedly felt worried after seeing freshman Joseph Graves exiting Morrison Hall with “a suspicious amount of enthusiasm for 11 a.m. on a Monday.”
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Students reportedly felt worried after seeing freshman Joseph Graves exiting Morrison Hall with “a suspicious amount of enthusiasm for 11 a.m. on a Monday.”
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Sophomore Rosa Wu reported that the members of her Physics 110 discussion section were working around the death of a participant pretty well.
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Last Friday, a group of students decided to break the silence about UC Berkeley’s midterms. Curiously enough, the students aren’t protesting the tests themselves, rather, they are rebelling against the name “midterms”.
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Despite the fact that instruction began several weeks ago, senior Andy Nosho reportedly has no idea whether or not he is in the correct discussion section.
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Spring semester is finally over and many students have moved back home for the summer season. It’s usually a great time to spend with family, catch up with friends or enjoy time outside while the weather is warm. But UC Berkeley sophomore Nathan Todo has a different story. He’s spending June through August in his hometown of Deslit, CA, where he’ll end up laying in bed and staring at his walls every day, just like the last couple of summers.
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Sophomore Cleo Lester reported Wednesday that emails she thought were spam were actually her CS 61A project partner trying to reach her.
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Over the course of lecture, Remi Cooke reportedly made an entire chocolate souffle from scratch, unfazed by the fact that the entire class could see him.
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Amid what seems to be nonstop apocalyptic doom descending upon the residents of the populous Bay Area, local authorities and UC Berkeley administrators have agreed to call on Oski, the legendary Firebear.
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In the past two weeks, members of the campus community have reported the presence of ghosts and paranormal activity in Moffitt Library and in classes on Zoom.
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Instead of the campus experience, rising campus sophomore Pen Gwinn is turning to Club Penguin to make connections to the workforce and prove to her parents that she can make it in the real world.
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