How to really win an ASUC election

With ASUC election season right around the corner, we all know what to expect — unrequested impromptu speeches on Sproul Plaza, a Facebook newsfeed full of the same five people’s faces and a million generic virtual messages requesting to secure your vote a month in advance for a particular candidate.
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What squirrels think of anti-Trump protests

Dear humans, It’s so awesome that you’re expressing your political views, but where are we supposed to go when you’ve got Sproul Plaza all blockaded? Do you understand how difficult it is to collect acorns and Golden Bear Cafe crumbs for your squirrel family when there’s no space to get to
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An overlooked election tragedy: the planet

With the most recent presidential election of a carrot, many people were beyond frightened when thinking about this country’s four-year future. This fear is very justifiable, as said carrot hates on other carrots all the time. Additionally, this carrot doesn’t believe in what 99 percent of climate scientists have said
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Four days in November

November 8 In the morning I drive Jordan to school, just like any other Tuesday. But it isn’t just like any other Tuesday. There is so much hanging in the balance. I am so damn ready for this election to be over, even though I know deep down that no
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God’s away on business

Berkeley November 9, 2016 We’ve walled out what we ought’ve walled in Within the city of the defeated, the air tastes like acid rain Night unending is come again A man walks dazed down the avenue, speaking in a loop: “Simon says, eat five hundred bowls of oatmeal Simon says
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We are not OK

It wasn’t until the fourth time I asked someone “How are you doing?” on Thursday that I realized I already knew the answer. On a typical day, the answer is always the same. If life is at least passable, we say “I’m good.” If life has kicked us hard where
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Farewell to the 2016 Presidential Election

Today, we are gathered here in solemn remembrance of the 2016 Presidential Election. Although it lived a long and eventful life, dragging on for nearly two years, we will miss the constant media distractions, wild scandals, name-calling, bird encounters, Twitter wars and, most of all, the memes. These past couple
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Looking ahead: What will happen in 2020?

Golden Bears, it’s been a crazy ride. While crazy is an understatement when it comes to describing the utter madness that has engulfed our nation for the past year and a half, the 2016 election cycle has been anything but normal. We were handed crazy slates of candidates, we were
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