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Crocs. Trash men being on this season of “The Bachelorette.” These are just a couple of the things that have been going on for too long.
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And just like that we’re taken back to Crete, where two of America’s favorite contestants and Jed stand awaiting their fate.
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Why, yes, it looks like their room for the night is located in a windmill! And we have a winner!
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It’s Hometowns week here in the Bachelorette-verse! Which means two things: It is time to silently judge the contestants’ families and Luke P. has been here for 8 weeks too long.
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Remember that feeling of calm you had throughout this whole episode because Luke P. wasn’t intensely gaslighting anyone and everyone in his way?
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Alabama Hannah is back after getting her heart broken by Colton, a man so bland that Ben Higgins looks like Miss Congeniality next to him.
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“The Bachelor” franchise is about heterosexuality — it’s not a show that knows how to handle LGBTQ+ identities. The franchise is so rooted in the heteronormative “romantic love” of a cisgender boy proposing to a cisgender girl at the end of the show that anything outside of that formula does not compute.
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The best D-listers from past “Bachelor” and “Bachelorette” seasons are here on Reject Island™ to find love and improve their Instagram follower counts.
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Fun fact: If you take a sip every time Chris Harrison says “most dramatic season ever,” you’ll black out before you can even find out whom Becca chooses.
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Ahhh, the “Men Tell All” special, when eliminated contestants come together and bicker with each other for those precious extra minutes of screen time.
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